Monday, December 18, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
"I firmly believe we have chosen the path that will do the most to... keep out crime," she said.
Ms Jowell said she was determined to kickstart a debate on the global regulation of gambling ahead of next week's summit at which the US will be notably absent.'
Taken from the Guardian Unlimited today.
I hear speakeasypoker.com is already being set up as I write this. Moonshinepoker.com also. Fristfamilypoker.com is still pending though.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Yes, it involves gambling. Yes, it involves poker. You can even order your Mega Millions Lottery subscription online. But it's all legal. Gasp.
They give a lot of money to state education. Generous, though in other places I hear they have taxes to pay for stuff like that.
Mikey is in any case far too classy a chimp to make any jokes about education in VA being like a lottery. (Goodlatte breathes a sigh of relief.)
Coming soon: the State of Virginia PokerShare.com and CasinoShare.com scratch cards with pics of Mikey the Chimp on the front!
It could happen, folks.
Actually, scratch that.
Friday, October 13, 2006
The State of Virginia, home to one of the guys who brought us the Anti-Online Gambling Bill (Bob Goodlatte) has a 'very well promoted' state lottery.
Yes, that's still legal. All fine so far.
The irony is, they recently started selling Texas Hold 'em-themed scratch cards. A great success all over, I hear...
Oh the humanity. (And hypocrisy.)
I'm just glad I'm a chimp.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Sign up to CasinoShare.com today and take part in our $100,000 Daily Lottery - available to all players
Our guy, quite literally, in the field has some very good points. Sadly, the same can't be said for his dancing at the end.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
"The very existence of Mikey the PokerShare.com Monkey is now in direct contravention of US law. I would advise Mikey, and any other primates who engage in online crimes against humanity to desist from all computer use at once, and seek gainful employment at the South Nevada Zoo. From there, we will organise regular primate bus trips to the the Strip for all your gambling needs."
"You know it makes sense", added the Honorable Senator.
Online chimps who, for whatever reason, chose not to follow the Senator's sage advice and continued to commit the crime of engaging in games of chance via information super highway, faced a stark choice:
"Should you not wish to wind up in a pound-me-in-ass Online Gambling Prison, I would strongly recommend the following to all: Disappear. Combust yourself. Vanish immediately."
"How you go about this is your concern. However, in order to ensure that you do not risk further infringement of the US legal system, you must take the necessary steps towards spontaneous self-combustion without delay."
"Consult a professional magician. He will give all the advice you need to stay on the right side of the law. That's common sense talking, and you know it."
"You might very well still be engaged in heinous internet-related crimes, but at least if David Copperfield covers you in a sheet, we won't see you at it."
"Best of all, us folk of high moral fiber can go about our business as if this whole wicked world wide web thing never happened!"
There was a murmur of dissaproval from the (mostly male, non-chimp, unevolved) crowd. The Honorable Senator exchanged a few nervous whispers with his advisors.
"Err... Please don't panic. There's really no reason to be upset..."
His words had no effect - the rabble was growing increasingly rowdy, as they started to throw their now-useless Online Gambling Stock receipts at the Senator.
Cue some more hurried advice from the Senator's aides. Then, backtracking faster than a politician caught sending inappropriate emails to teenage male work colleagues, he added
"Please, please... Allow me to finish - What I meant to say, dear internet aficionados, was this..."
"online porno will be unaffected by these changes."
There was a collective sigh of relief, and spontaneous cheers and manly whooping rippled through the crowd.
The throng began to file out, relieved. Relaxed. Sweaty, but satisfied.